What if somebody or something gave me the opportunity to flash forward into the future – when would I choose to flash into … what era, what date?
I pride myself on being honest – on taking things day by day, and watching the details. I enjoy learning. I love living in new moments and breathing in new experiences.
In the depths of my worst days of this continuing journey – I pray within the pits of my aching soul to please flash forward to that date, that wonderful end, that I can see yet not reach – to be fully recovered with no more pain.
There are several different issues I have in choosing a date – because I cannot.
My purpose here is not to flash forward. Many would say – hey – bring me to a time when we can fly in hover cars, for a teenager – maybe take me to college. When confronted with whatever magical hand has the power to flash forward me into that painless day, full of energy and hope, not a care in the world – where I can play with my children without needing an aspirin or pick up their toys without needing help – maybe having a day with no need for any medications at all to assist me with the mental blocks I have gained from months of using a drug that could have killed me … I can honestly say I may slap that hand away.
As blissful as it would be to consider myself fully recovered – what would I learn by flashing into that time? How could I knowingly skip the hard parts only to find that easy pathway into freedom? My purpose is to inspire others to have the will, dedication, persistence, and strength of soul to be able to overcome these obstacles – because in all truth, there is no recovery time machine. We cannot skip – we cannot summon that magical machine to bring us forth to better days – it simply does not exist.
Recovery is in itself a dream to reach for – a path you choose on your own and either walk, run, or slowly tap your feet down that lonely road – watching trees for other faces and other hands to hold that understand your plight, it is picking up your pieces during the worst of the worst – that dark hour when fear overtakes you and you really feel your last breath is coming … but you continue to fight, find new corners to turn, and new houses to build within yourself – windows of the past you can look through to shape your future – in order to become anything different, to really survive the most difficult of tasks, you must actually live in the present and make your own marks – and learn.
I, while I wish I could go to whatever date or time where I may feel full peace, have chosen in this challenge to say I would rather not flash forward at all – but to live in the moment with the hopes of grasping on to my deepest inner strength, passing it to others and taking them with me through time – to a better time – a time that I earned by never giving up.