I consider myself uniquely strange.
Some wonder if my total honesty – is a quirky fault.
Quirky – defined.
I appreciate my faults – as a matter of fact, I do not believe that the term “worst quality” should even exist.
It does not to me.
I am brutally transparent. I believe in being truthful – exposing myself in ways emotionally that may subject me to negativity in return – despite my intentions being positive and empowering. The revealing of details of my darkest secrets often gets me “looks” “stares” “wow – really?” …
It is a top priority in my book of knowledge to love myself – otherwise, I do not believe I can fully embrace loving others. I cannot love myself completely if I hide unknown shortcomings. I would rather people understand me fully the way that I understand myself – otherwise, I believe I would be living untruthfully. I believe living dishonestly is a burden on one’s soul that perpetuates the inability to have any esteem.
I examine myself daily. I dig into my deepest tombs of feelings and pull from it the imperfections.
While I concentrate on the things that are wonderful about me, my kindness that I exude to the world that others find outstanding, fun, and graceful – I find more intention in exposing how being lonely, fearful, terrified of the truths you may not want to own up to (and then you do) – can lead to empowerment, inspiration, and quality of life.
This is where I find myself strange – positively but also to a fault. It seems to me in the world today – people want to constantly fill their social networking feeds, blogs, articles, conversations – with the “oh I’m so happy” … “Oh I have SUCH exciting news” … “My world is so awesome!” …
At least not constantly. Maybe the fault here is I wish, at times, I could be more “YAY” …
I live in a world of fulfillment: three beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a house, two cars, a backyard, a supportive family … I am truthfully blessed. It used to be that I would post continuously to my followers about the greatness of living a blessed life until I found myself on a beaten path of failure due to my own actions. I felt slighted and angry at first – I cried the “why me?” and threw my fists in the air – claiming “I do not deserve this.”
Then I turned around and decided to transparently apply my struggles into other people’s minds – “let them see”, I said. I wanted other people to understand that IT IS OKAY to find out that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. It is okay to let the world know you are struggling, you need a shoulder – that you feel you are falling apart inside and have no clue where to turn.
Living with both happiness and sadness is a delicate balance. I choose to remember that often times a person can appear wonderful and amazing on the outside but on the inside they are torn to pieces – hiding from this because putting it out there for all to see “well, people might think I’m strange.” (insert the word quirky – daily prompt that inspired this post).
I do not care if people unfollow me, defriend me, tell me to hush – and to concentrate on the positives. I find that in turning my imperfections into positives – it becomes an educational and empowering process – even if others do not want to watch or listen.
I love myself despite a battle that could have sent me over the edge -the cliff of never being able to appreciate myself again. You can define me in all medical terms, you can say I fit the bill of a specific category of people that the census recognizes – or the dictionary explains. I choose to, instead, say I am just me, you like it or you do not, you embrace my uniquely strange honesty, or you don’t. You either read into me, read my blogs, understand my intentions – or you don’t.
The most important person who does all of the above for me – is me.
It may be quirky, something people hate, love …
I find it to be both my closest to perfect and most imperfect quality.
By the way – I do not believe in absolute perfection. If I did, then I would suddenly believe in the term “worst quality”.