television

A Heartfelt Thank You

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Have you ever felt like just sitting down to thank somebody?

I mean sure – I thanked the bagging guy today at the grocery store for dealing with me while I slipped over patches of ice to lock my son’s car seat in while he held two carts of frozen junk food with a short sleeve shirt on…

That’s not what I mean.

Saying thank you to my husband, or my children, or my family really is not appropriate – they understand that what they do for me, nobody else can do. There’s a love and inspiration there that cannot be described, understood, or for that matter, appreciated in the form of verbal words on a blog.

Allow me to take time out to give my heartfelt, genuine, thank you – to a specific person that I feel deserves credit where credit is due.

(Fun Fact #2,164 about Jenn: I invest in the concept of the paranormal. I believe in ghosts, spirits, the after life. I’ve read books, taken classes, done investigations, dealt with my own hauntings, own my own equipment…)

Sidebar: Skeptics laughing, feel free to continue to. Or you can simply press skip in your reader, either way, blah.

For all of those who are believers (AWESOME SAUCE) – you get me, I know. But becoming a parent also brought another level of belief into this spiritual resolution, afterlife, concept of apparitions, EVPs … (I could go on – if you do not understand my terminology I apologize. I know, I know. It’s like reading “stereo instructions”.)

When I became a parent – I looked into the eyes of these little beings and realized I had just given life.

When you give life – you automatically become the person or force that has subjected that little soul someday – to death.

Now, now. I am not being morbid. Think about it. I have 3 amazing, wonderful children. Each of them when they were born immediately had my heart and every bit of love I could have ever dreamed of mustering for a human being – wrapped into each of their sweet, tiny, quivering lips. They reach for me – a simple “mama…” “I want a juice box…” “I love you…” or in the case of my 1 year old … a bellowing “WAHHHHHHHHH” when the bottle falls with such force under the bouncy chair that milk goes splattering into his deep blue eyes.

These cherished moments in the mind of any parent are ones you cannot describe to those who do not have children.

“You had to be there” really fits in here.

But I realized once they took their first breaths – that someday, they will take their last.

Knowing that I accomplished such a huge step as a human – I mean, I MADE HUMANS – in the bottom of the deep depths of my often overthinking heart – I remember – someday, they will no longer be alive. That the life I provided to them – will no longer exist.

Unless -if you’re a believer like me – you choose to believe that it will continue to exist past the ability of their living bodies.

I choose to support this notion.

This belief comforts me. It brings me hope. It makes the joy on their little faces when I say “yes, you can have chocolate” feel much more like a happy moment instead of “someday – I may never see them again.”

Yes, I will.

This brings me to my point. There’s a group of people who dedicate their lives to investigating, , and I guess I could use the word PROVING – that this concept actually exists. Okay I take that back – there’s MANY groups. However, one in particular has a way of taking evidence, proof, undeniable, concrete “You just CANNOT SAY IT ISN’T REAL” type of study and brings it to the forefront of public attention. This group spends many hours, upon hours, upon hours – doing what some think is simply for entertainment – but I take it as a sincere path they are meant to be on that they intend to share with all of us. It just happens to be on television where we can see it.

Thank you – from the bottom of my heart-  to Zak Bagans, Nick Groff, and Aaron Goodwin (as well as the others involved with Ghost Adventures). If you have not watched their original documentary – well, then you are probably a boring person.

(I’M KIDDING! Stop glaring! Get Netflix and watch!)

If you happen to tune in like me to the Travel Channel every Saturday for new lockdowns, well then hey – let’s wave our lassos together – yee haw for meeting other fans of the show.

This thank you, however, is deeper. I’ve always wanted to believe that the after life existed. Since I was a child and have had my own dealings with the paranormal, supernatural, whatever term you wish to use – I have wanted to be more involved in understanding its realm of possibilities. But now – my own children in my arms – I cannot bear the thought that the moment any of us take our last breaths as a living human – that we simply see black. That we will never see each other again.

It is this crew that has put so much heart, soul, time, and persistence into proving the existence of life after death – that has helped me cope as a parent with the idea of someday ever losing my babies that I gave life to – because the evidence they have provided is clear – some of it, to me, indisputable – that we will continue to move on in spirit past our human shells of skin and bone.

To the GAC: you have put so much effort into this. You have put your health at risk. You have taken time, energy, faith, passion – and used it as a device in bringing forth how the paranormal really does co-exist in the human world, and how there is life beyond what we know here and now. Thank you. In tears I say this – because it is with this belief that I can put my little ones to bed at night and know, no matter what, no matter who goes, and when – that I am not responsible for providing life merely to someday, provide death.

I am responsible for providing life – to someday provide a road to another one, where we will come together again, and never be apart.

Quite a feat, GAC. I felt it was worthy of saying thank you.

Although I feel I could say a million more things in adoration instead – I will leave it at that.

From this mother’s loving heart: really. Thank you.

You are appreciated. I hope someday you read from my own words how you have touched my life – and that you will continue to touch that of others that you continue to stun and awe with the beauty of the evidence you present.

I was already a believer.

You just made me more of one.

Much love.

Fascinated by the Famous: A Thank You

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Dearly Famous,

“We are gathered here today…” (no I’m kidding) – the following soulful masterpiece of my blogtopia is dedicated to you. The above entitled truly is a thank you – it is not sarcasm.  I am not giving you a criticism. I am truly showing you gratitude.

This entry is written to you straight from the heart of a middle class southern nerd – I have been bullied, cried many hours, over anything from my goofy hair, to my braces, to acne …. Many days I sat scared and hopeless – approaching the mirror with a procrastinating trot, a fearful glance, “do I still look the same?”.

My entire life I’ve been plagued by this inner monster that has held me back. I confess I have an impediment of my personal strength and wish to no longer remain silent: I have never felt pretty on the outside – and I have somewhat yet not always felt beautiful on the inside but was never really talented or creative enough to get people to understand that (or at least, I never gave myself credit for it – enter in my favorite word in the dictionary besides hope and faith: esteem).

The worst of this haunting is not only is it that I suffer with now even at the age of 34 – it is that I know I am not alone.

So why, in professing this dreary ghost to you, am I thanking you – the famous?

Because I’ll bet, that each and every one of you, at one point in your lifetime – if not even now – suffer with these same inner demons. Maybe it’s when you were young, or went through a life changing event, maybe it’s when you made your first movie, your first song, your first public speech.

I am grateful for you. You in your entirety despite personal flaws that weigh a person down (your energy level is low, you feel like crying, you would really just rather be alone) – you go into the spotlight. You face the press. Your entire life drama, if any, suddenly becomes the center of speculation for millions of people who are watching – waiting for you to make a mistake.

I have always wished that the public would keep their noses out of your business. I had wished they were more thankful for the movies you make, the shows you act in, the songs you write – or whatever you practice that makes you famous.

Aren’t we living in a social media world where we can watch anything and everything online? Where we can finally send fan mail but in a speed of seconds – over Twitter. We sit in silence behind our computer or television screens (at least us Twitter users do) and wait and see: will I get a retweet? Will I get a reply? Can I just get a “favorite”?

Because we love what you do – we would not have entertainment, leadership, or anything of that matter to associate ourselves with if people did not embrace whatever talents they have: and become famous.

(If you are reading this at the movie theatre – do not roll your eyes – you would not be there enjoying yourself and a little day out and a bucket of overpriced popcorn without the actors and directors who made that movie you’re watching, so settle down)

I wish I did not feel so immature in doing this – but yes, I do write fan mail still sometimes (albeit 140 characters or less) to those that really inspire me to make a difference – and to those, with their persistent dedication to their own success and beings, impact my life in telling me to take it a step further: NEVER BE AFRAID.

I wonder how many of you have ever been afraid of something – after all, you are human (right? I have only met two of you REALLY famous people in my lifetime – each of you seemed human to me with your common courtesy to shake my hand, smile, and give me an autograph)…

Once again, I express my deepest of appreciation that you continue to serve your fans, the general public, whatever we shall name those that are not, by definition, famous, – you continue to work even when you are at your worst, when you honestly are having the worst day and you want everyone to go away (and for all sake of decency – to stop putting a camera in your face at Starbucks).

I’m guilty. I admit it. I’m guilty of people watching on the street to see if I can get a glimpse of one of you – I tweet you on a regular basis (only my favorites of course, it is fun, as an adult, to have this outlet that reminds you in a way of hand writing a letter and waiting weeks upon weeks – running to the mailbox wondering if I got an autograph or a response)…

Why the fascination?

I am fascinated by your fervor to withstand negativity, to compound it, and to make your mark on the world through even the toughest hardships. Granted, I speak myself like you are perfect – or as if you are in a higher class than myself or any other person – none of you are. I apologize if this sounds a bit harsh but who is? Not everybody who fits the bill of famous is a  person that is famous for a positive reason  (oops, a criticism, so I lied at the beginning of this post, but at least I’m admitting it, no?) – but I see you and learn from how you deal personally with so many different aspects of life at one time.

Yes, I know some of you get paid millions – it’s your job, yay for recognition and cash, right?

I see this differently. I see a person who could very well have walked in my nerdy, bullied shoes and has come out with a fan base of millions. I, from the depths of my heart, do not ever think I could deal with that kind of attention. My followers and friends would be surprised, after all I’ve revealed recently, how private of a person I really am.

No really – stop laughing – I am. I rarely allow visitors into my home. I stay in my pajamas most of the time. The peril of going out to the grocery store and spending any energy I have that I wish I could spend on cleaning up toys or changing diapers, that in itself should show you: I am very protective of my abode – it’s hard making a public appearance for this very non-famous woman. My blog is not  created for the sake of famous attention – it’s created with the hopes it will touch people’s hearts – if even just one. I aim for inspiring – and any new follower, while it makes me happy, the gain is in the aspect of prayer that my faith will touch that person’s faith.

So thank you, famous people, to all whom have inspired me to try harder – to each of you that has put on a brave face during the most devastating of outcomes and have still come forth to make a difference in other lives while others watch.

Now don’t go all snark on me now – I realize that most of the most influential people in my life – are actually not technically famous people. They are family. They are friends. They have been there since the beginning – I won’t have to wait for a tweet or a reply: I can simply call or text and boom: contact made. Success.

So what makes a person famous? Should I have defined this in the beginning of the post (sleep deprivation talking – my apologies to those who made it this far)…

For certain I meant actors (my favorite is Matt Damon, brilliance, my friends, BRILLIANCE), singers (Adam Lambert is my favorite, SUPERBNESS, my loves, SUPERBNESS) … (Ever watched my favorite show Ghost Adventures? Zak Bagans is honestly so intelligent and talented – REALNESS) anyone you see in front of you that works their behinds off doing what they love – and giving us something to hold onto (for all purposes, this includes writers, speakers, blah blah … I need not go on)….

But this is not all I meant.

To all famous people – I do thank you – I am so gracious to bear witness to your undying love of your profession and how you continue to bring that talent into my world …

For all of those who have ever felt even an ounce of what I have – feeling ugly, horrid, indifferent to the world, hopeless, worthless, uncreative, not talented (so sorry for everyone that had to hear me sing Ol’ Susanna at the 4th grade talent show) … but you have decided to step forward in your life, admit, learn, and inspire: guess what, you have become famous.

To yourself.

And THAT is most important.

So thank you all – because each and every one of you is different and diverse, many different pathways met, gone, and crossed, and each of you has a quality I admire, respect, and desire: and that is how I have become famous to my heart  is by inviting such intriguing views, needs, and thoughts from so many different people – into my world – and by making the most of those ghastly emotions, that one single pimple on the edge of my nose, that moment when I just break down and cry: I just don’t let it stop me anymore.

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Never forget that.

Yours truly, and living famously,

Jenn (pictured below for everyone to see who is writing this – in case you haven’t clicked the About page) 🙂

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Edited to include a shout out to the Daily Prompt for Jaunuary 13, 2014. The Golden Globes were last night and I could have totally used this as my current event – but I had writers block and went elsewhere with the idea. I wish I had written this today not yesterday – but that’s the way writing is – or maybe I’m psychic. Who knows. If I could have applied any current event it would have been the Golden Globes because that’s what it’s full of – by definition – famous people (and Matt Damon was there!)