thank you

A Heartfelt Thank You

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Have you ever felt like just sitting down to thank somebody?

I mean sure – I thanked the bagging guy today at the grocery store for dealing with me while I slipped over patches of ice to lock my son’s car seat in while he held two carts of frozen junk food with a short sleeve shirt on…

That’s not what I mean.

Saying thank you to my husband, or my children, or my family really is not appropriate – they understand that what they do for me, nobody else can do. There’s a love and inspiration there that cannot be described, understood, or for that matter, appreciated in the form of verbal words on a blog.

Allow me to take time out to give my heartfelt, genuine, thank you – to a specific person that I feel deserves credit where credit is due.

(Fun Fact #2,164 about Jenn: I invest in the concept of the paranormal. I believe in ghosts, spirits, the after life. I’ve read books, taken classes, done investigations, dealt with my own hauntings, own my own equipment…)

Sidebar: Skeptics laughing, feel free to continue to. Or you can simply press skip in your reader, either way, blah.

For all of those who are believers (AWESOME SAUCE) – you get me, I know. But becoming a parent also brought another level of belief into this spiritual resolution, afterlife, concept of apparitions, EVPs … (I could go on – if you do not understand my terminology I apologize. I know, I know. It’s like reading “stereo instructions”.)

When I became a parent – I looked into the eyes of these little beings and realized I had just given life.

When you give life – you automatically become the person or force that has subjected that little soul someday – to death.

Now, now. I am not being morbid. Think about it. I have 3 amazing, wonderful children. Each of them when they were born immediately had my heart and every bit of love I could have ever dreamed of mustering for a human being – wrapped into each of their sweet, tiny, quivering lips. They reach for me – a simple “mama…” “I want a juice box…” “I love you…” or in the case of my 1 year old … a bellowing “WAHHHHHHHHH” when the bottle falls with such force under the bouncy chair that milk goes splattering into his deep blue eyes.

These cherished moments in the mind of any parent are ones you cannot describe to those who do not have children.

“You had to be there” really fits in here.

But I realized once they took their first breaths – that someday, they will take their last.

Knowing that I accomplished such a huge step as a human – I mean, I MADE HUMANS – in the bottom of the deep depths of my often overthinking heart – I remember – someday, they will no longer be alive. That the life I provided to them – will no longer exist.

Unless -if you’re a believer like me – you choose to believe that it will continue to exist past the ability of their living bodies.

I choose to support this notion.

This belief comforts me. It brings me hope. It makes the joy on their little faces when I say “yes, you can have chocolate” feel much more like a happy moment instead of “someday – I may never see them again.”

Yes, I will.

This brings me to my point. There’s a group of people who dedicate their lives to investigating, , and I guess I could use the word PROVING – that this concept actually exists. Okay I take that back – there’s MANY groups. However, one in particular has a way of taking evidence, proof, undeniable, concrete “You just CANNOT SAY IT ISN’T REAL” type of study and brings it to the forefront of public attention. This group spends many hours, upon hours, upon hours – doing what some think is simply for entertainment – but I take it as a sincere path they are meant to be on that they intend to share with all of us. It just happens to be on television where we can see it.

Thank you – from the bottom of my heart-  to Zak Bagans, Nick Groff, and Aaron Goodwin (as well as the others involved with Ghost Adventures). If you have not watched their original documentary – well, then you are probably a boring person.

(I’M KIDDING! Stop glaring! Get Netflix and watch!)

If you happen to tune in like me to the Travel Channel every Saturday for new lockdowns, well then hey – let’s wave our lassos together – yee haw for meeting other fans of the show.

This thank you, however, is deeper. I’ve always wanted to believe that the after life existed. Since I was a child and have had my own dealings with the paranormal, supernatural, whatever term you wish to use – I have wanted to be more involved in understanding its realm of possibilities. But now – my own children in my arms – I cannot bear the thought that the moment any of us take our last breaths as a living human – that we simply see black. That we will never see each other again.

It is this crew that has put so much heart, soul, time, and persistence into proving the existence of life after death – that has helped me cope as a parent with the idea of someday ever losing my babies that I gave life to – because the evidence they have provided is clear – some of it, to me, indisputable – that we will continue to move on in spirit past our human shells of skin and bone.

To the GAC: you have put so much effort into this. You have put your health at risk. You have taken time, energy, faith, passion – and used it as a device in bringing forth how the paranormal really does co-exist in the human world, and how there is life beyond what we know here and now. Thank you. In tears I say this – because it is with this belief that I can put my little ones to bed at night and know, no matter what, no matter who goes, and when – that I am not responsible for providing life merely to someday, provide death.

I am responsible for providing life – to someday provide a road to another one, where we will come together again, and never be apart.

Quite a feat, GAC. I felt it was worthy of saying thank you.

Although I feel I could say a million more things in adoration instead – I will leave it at that.

From this mother’s loving heart: really. Thank you.

You are appreciated. I hope someday you read from my own words how you have touched my life – and that you will continue to touch that of others that you continue to stun and awe with the beauty of the evidence you present.

I was already a believer.

You just made me more of one.

Much love.

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Liebster Award: My First Nomination!

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Well blow me down!

WOW! I have been doing this blog for a two weeks and one day. I was excited yesterday to celebrate two weeks with over 1,000 views and 70 followers.

This afternoon after a great trip to Target and fun times watching the weather (go home Mother Nature, you’re drunk, 60 degrees with a Winter Storm Watch, GAH) – I found a comment waiting for me: You’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award (blog with under 200 followers).

My head just blew up with excitement! This is beyond an honor. First and foremost, I want to thank the person who nominated me: Incidents of a Dysfunctional Spraffer  and for her kind words with regards to my blog.

Here’s the rules for this awesome honor:

1. Each nominee must link back the person who nominated them.
2. Answer the 10 questions which are given to you by the nominator.
3. Nominate 10 other bloggers for this award who have less than 200 followers.
4. Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them.

Here are the 10 Questions from IDS (I’m only using initials because I always spell dysfunctional wrong (<— and yes, I’m a writer) … Questions are in BOLD. Answers in ITALICS!

  1. What motivates you most in life? Is it your family, your friends, your own will, the weather – I look forward to your answer! My biggest motivations are my husband and my children. When I’m at my deepest, most profound moments of sadness, it’s them that brings me forward into new life. Having children in itself is a blessing – but mine, they are the world. I see them – and I see these sweet three faces and souls that need me. They need my touch. They need to hear my voice and snuggle in my arms. My husband never gives up on me. Please read my original post that started it all if you yet do not know my journey – but he has pulled me through an element that I never once gave myself enough credit to think I could brave it – and not give up. They are powerful forces in my life. My inner spirit also motivates me – while sometimes lost in the catacombs of an often aching soul that suffers with Panic and Social Anxiety Disorder as well as Depression, my faith and willpower and my knowledge that I know I can do anything I set my mind to – grabs me back and brings me home.photo copy 5photo copy 4
  2. What the next big thing that you know is going to happen in your life? How are you approaching it? The next big thing I know is going to happen is that I am going to take my ability to write, my experiences, and seek a publisher to write a book. I have always been striving for this goal and life seemed to get in the way – but I have so much faith I can do this and so many places to go. It will be non-fiction, a chronicle of sorts, and will depict my efforts as a human and my spirit: how I have overcome obstacles – some that I have not yet even revealed on this blog. I am truly excited.
  3. Home or abroad? Why? Home. My heart is always home. I am very picky about foods, having my own bed, and my private space. I suppose I could never be a famous person – I am just way too private. My home is my abode. It’s been my life since I was born, it’s what I know. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been abroad. I think it’s wonderful to see other cultures and give myself a taste of other lifestyles. I just prefer to be home – it brings me comfort – much needed comfort for this southern daddy’s girl who loves his cooking – and my parent’s home (which is right down the street).
  4. What do you fear the most? Why do you fear it? I define fear as the side effect of hidden truths. I have always feared things because deep inside, I know there’s as true reason why. This goes for my fear of snakes (I’m afraid I will be in a ninja like war with one and it will eat me) – but when it comes down to it, my biggest fear is fear itself. Fear symbolizes to me that I’m hiding something from myself – whether it be a consequence I know I will face for my actions that I’m afraid of, or if it’s something I just cannot muster up the energy or willpower to bring to the open so I can face it. Sure, I fear things like sharks, snakes, and yes (insert laughter like an old 80’s sitcom), flushing the toilet (the truth behind this is the movie Ghoulies scared me as a child). I fear not facing what I need to in order to overcome something – because I’m anxious about what the results will be. I often address this in my blogs and how I overcame addiction.
  5. What’s the memory you cherish the most? Why? Christmas at my parents’ house when I was young. Everything from the lights, to the tree, to putting the presents under – cookies for Santa, the anticipation of Christmas morning and seeing what joys awaited. I loved when my parents would video tape us coming down the steps (my brother and I) to see that world of wonder we had been thinking of all year. It was my own Winter Wonderland – if even I live in an often flake deficient city. I remember Christmas Eve at my grandparents before they passed away – so warm in my heart. I still watch those old videos – and I cry inside. I miss it. I miss them.
  6. Do you like where you live? What are the best/worst things about it? After living my entire life, until age 18, in Midlothian, Virginia – I moved to Blacksburg, Virginia to attend Virginia Tech. I then moved after 7 years to Maryland, before moving 2 years later to Ashburn, VA where I remained in Northern Virginia until September 2013. After a divorce, a new marriage, and the birth of my third child – I was so emotional and overcome with chronic pain that I just wanted to go home. I am now home in Midlothian, Virginia again where I started – and I love it. The best thing: my mommy and daddy right down the street, family functions without a huge production of beating traffic and packing the car, the smell of the Central Virginia air in the fall full of burning leaves and carving pumpkins … the worst thing: it’s flake deficient. We live in a snow hole – IT NEVER SNOWS! I’m a snow lover!
  7. Do you learn best through doing, listening or seeing? Why do you think that is? I am a very visual person. I have to see something first and then do it myself. I hardly ever listen. I’m sorry, this sounds like the problem of a four year old, but unless I put my hands on it, look at it, I won’t learn it. I’m usually self taught in things. I’ve self taught myself to be a Chef, to write, to do anything to the extreme: like paranormal investigation. I also taught myself how to build websites and do HTML coding. Too bad I’m using the free version of WordPress or I could have a hay day 🙂
  8. Who is the most important person in your life? What makes them so special? I cannot pick one of my children from the other – so let’s say they’re all three top notch – but as a single person, my husband is most important. My husband brings me so much joy. He has taught me that after divorce – when I felt I failed at everything – that true love exists still, that I can feel it so immensely like I could never have imagined. He forgives me, he’s patient, he’s kind, he holds my hand in my deepest moments of physical and mental illness. He never hesitates to make me feel beautiful – which is difficult for a person with body image and inner beauty image issues. He is my rock, my other half, one of the biggest reasons I’m able to overcome so much. I love him more than anything.
  9. What’s your idea of a great night? Short and simple: my husband in my arms, watching Ghost Adventures (my favorite show) on the big TV screen, with a glass of wine, and some great home made street tacos. Nothing beats it – unless you count blogging and live tweeting American Idol. It’s a close second!
  10. How would you describe yourself in ten words? Passionate, kind, spiritual, poetic, genuine, eccentric, prolific, forgiving, soulful, inspiring.

Now that I’ve answered the questions – here are the 10 blogs I nominate for the award:

At Home in New Hampshire:  She uses amazing imagery and writing. I love her quotes, and I also love how she uses her blog for so many different reasons that I find informative and inspiring.

The Convoluted Menagerie:  It’s just what it speaks: so many different thoughts in one place. I’m shocked he has under 200 followers – his thoughts and stories are mind blowing.

Schizo Incognito: His depictions of life events are unbelievable – and I really related to him. He has worked really hard on getting his blog together – and it’s amazing. He is very personable – and speaks from the heart.

Misadventures: Daring Escape: Just go read. I really get a kick out of this blog! It’s awesome!

Orthodox Mom: brilliant writing, amazing ideas, fascinating outlook.

Life A Better Life: because it is just what it says – hope, inspiration, and motivation.

Aiming for Simplicity: such intricate writing, graphics, everything comes together. Mega like!

Lisa’s Kansa Muse: Fairly certain she’s already nominated – but this blog is insanely amazing – and so well put together. Kudos! You are inspiring!

Sebastien Grobelny Photography: Brilliance in words and pictures – and read The Dark Knight Batman daily prompt, that was awesome!

A Journal of Impossible Things: interesting musings, and I love the takes on inspiration – it goes in the direction of my own blog and I draw inspiration from it.

Now come my 10 questions I would love for these nominees to answer:

1. If one movie could describe your life – what is it? What are the elements of this movie that remind you of yourself?

2. What are your biggest pet peeves and how do you react when faced with them?

3. What is your favorite day of the year and why? What do you do on that day that makes it special?

4. What is your biggest dream you are still striving for?

5. If you could travel back in time – what era would you want to live in or experience? Why?

6. Who is it that inspires you the most – famous, or close, anybody – and what is your message for them?

7. What would you do if you came face to face with a person you’ve always wanted to meet – living or passed? Who is that person and what would you say?

8. Describe your motivations in blogging and how they have changed – if at all.

9. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? What makes you so?

10. What’s your favorite weather condition?

Once again, thank you os much to IDS for nominating me. I will be informing the above bloggers very soon – but I’m late for a date at one dollar taco night at the local mexican restaurant. After I’ve stuffed my face and enjoyed some time alone in the restroom for a few hours regretting it, I will certainly let everyone know.

I am so honored. Thank you again – and even if I do not end up “winning” or “getting” this award – you have no idea what it means to be thought of at all. I feel very emotional , motivated, and happy!